Each one of us has something else no one else does. A "je ne sais quoi" that makes us all so special. Our shoes help us step out of the box we're put in.
I remember my first pair of heels that I bought on my own. They were from Payless and they were for my eighth-grade dance. I wanted something that reflected how I felt on the inside, not how others saw me or made me feel. I wanted to step out of who my classmates had decided I was. I wanted to express myself beyond the box.
"Do you really own more than 200 pairs of shoes? There's now way you could possibly wear all of those."
I get that question a lot. "Do you really..?" Yes. Yes, I do.
I do not wear every pair through each month, or sometimes even throughout the year, but I know exactly why I bought each pair and how they make me feel. I know the emotion and the piece of my personality that is attached to it.
Some are sexy, some are classy, some are just because I wanted to feel glamorous or badass around the house, and some are bought for Cosplays I have yet to construct.
The Shoe Box: So Much More Than A Grade School Project
Who remembers making those shoebox dioramas? I had to make three and then helped my younger brother with two. It was so much fun turning a simple box into another world, wasn't it? Your imagination was able to run wild and out of a small box came something grand.
Who knew that back them our teachers were not only teaching us about whatever book we were reading or subject we were studying, but rather something they may not have even been aware of themselves. They were teaching us the potential of ourselves, our lives, and how to find happiness within ourselves.
Growing up I was bullied, which I feel like is the sad reality for most of us. I had shoes and clothes from Wal-Mart while my best friends and classmates had name brand clothes like Abercrombie & Fitch, Billabong, or Nike. As soon as we were old enough to notice that we were all different, for me it was middle school, that was where it began really - the classic "judging a book by its cover" mentality.
I was always on the "heavier" side and so was relentlessly teased for being fat. It's a trauma that I still struggle with, despite all of my self-discovery and self-love through the years. After hearing it for the majority of your life, it becomes a difficult thing to tune out. I couldn't control my weight, I was heavy due to medications, not by will. I was athletic, I played Basketball in a league outside of school and was constantly outside with friends during the weeknights and weekdays.
Do you know what I could control? My fashion. To a certain extent, of course, I was only twelve when I started experimenting with clothes that really made me happy. I hated pants and I mean with a white-hot passion of one thousand suns kind of hate - but I had to wear them because it was cold in the morning and I walked to school or rode my bike. It was unacceptable to ride a bike in a dress or a skirt, so I did something about it one day. I put on my pants, decided I wanted a skirt, and if I couldn't wear it alone - I would just wear both!
So off I went, biking to school in my awful Wal-Mart jeans that were terribly awkward on me, with my hot pink mini skirt over them. I locked up my bike, and oh yes, I got plenty of looks - but for once I was happy! The next day, I got to school and noticed one of my best friends had done the same thing!
It was a stroke of brilliance honestly because if it got too hot for pants by lunchtime we could just go to the locker room and change. Two outfits for the price of one! Now, I'm sure I wasn't the only girl in the entire country to have done it - but I was the first one at North Mountain Middle School to do so. As much independence and confidence as it brought me, it also brought even more torment, but I didn't stop.
Flash forward to my first pair of heels two years later. I'll never forget holding that box of $30 heels in line at Payless. I was so excited to have that little purple box housing the most beautiful silver heels I'd ever seen. Putting them on made me feel like Cinderella! Or more accurately, like Stephanie Rose, for the very first time.
Fifteen glorious, difficult, and adventurous years later - I own more than 200 pairs of shoes. 90% of them are heels, and yes, I've heard it all.
"Wearing heels that often isn't good for you. Just wait until you're older."
"That can't be good for your health."
"You could open your own shoe store!"
I can tell you though, that each pair of shoes illuminates a different piece of who I am. My favorite black pumps make me feel commanding of attention when I walk into a room. My newest blue moto boots make me feel like a trendsetter. My favorite travel boots provide me comfort but make me feel fabulous even when I'm on a nine-hour flight. My running shoes remind me of how strong and capable my mind and body are and help me feel like I can achieve whatever is in front of me.
Fashion is something we can control to express who we really are, on the inside, to the rest of the world. I just happen to chose to do most of my expressing through shoes.
I encourage you to think about your favorite pair of shoes, what do they mean to you? How do they help you go beyond the box? Not just their little cardboard home, but your box. How do they make you feel?
Maybe it isn't shoes for you, maybe it's your favorite pair of pants that make your legs look great or those sunglasses that make you feel like you can take on the world. I encourage you to reflect on that. In this time of uncertainty, think about who you are, and how you can go beyond your own box by allowing your outward expression to really shine.
#Shoes #Fashion #SelfLove #Quarantine #Reflection #SelfExpression #Inspiration #Childhood #Memories #InnerStrength
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